I missed the opportunity to explain this in my last post. So here it is now.
This is just one of the many reasons I have hermited up. I walk around all day with a rag hanging out of my mouth. I don't want to been seen like that. When I go out, I pull the rag out of my mouth when I see other people nearby. Thankfully, I don't go anywhere for long. I go to the local Grocery store to buy a print copy of the New York Times every day. But that is all I go into the store for. I don't do any shopping since I can't eat. So I can stand not to have the rag in my mouth for the five minutes it takes me to buy the paper That is addition to avoiding groups of people. Even though I can speak with my cell phone, I have to type out the answer to question. It takes me so long in a group I just fall silent. Conversation changes gears so rapidly by the time I type out the line I want to respond to, the conversation has moved on passed me at the point. And I feel a sense of inadequacy, it physically hurts me to participate in a conversation. So that is why I only see one person at a time. That can also wear me out but most people appear to attempt to give me the time to communicate with them. So for me the solution is to avoid those kind of scenarios. And the worse part of it is my mind still works fine and I have all those thoughts I would like to express but I don't get a chance to because I speak via spelling out the words and that forces me to economical with words to get it out there fast enough to make sense. And in many of the gatherings people are eating food. It serves as another trigger for me. A reminder of what I can't do anymore. I still think about food all the time. But I can not eat anything without choking and possibly aspirating into my lungs.
